Rebuilding Piece By Piece

I have some great news to share with you guys today! It's official! I was stuck hundreds of times with needles and ink. Yes, I got a tattoo on March 4, 2016!! Many of you have asked about the story and significance of what I chose so here it is!

I got a tattoo on my left bicep that says "Let Go and Let God" with an arrow and a Lyme disease ribbon. Too many times I have caught myself trying to control everything throughout my journey with Lyme disease. I had to constantly remind myself to let go and let God bring me through this with his strength and remind myself that he does have a plan for me. I could never do it on my own but with God's help I can do anything. I have to endure the storm before I can enjoy the rainbow. This tattoo is my daily reminder so I never forget that God is with me and he will always be there to take care of me. 

The arrow is symbolic of a quote I have loved for many years. "An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus and keep aiming." My life was almost perfect and then Lyme hit and my life was drawn back but soon I will be launched into greatness.

As far as the Lyme green ribbon, I hope that is fairly clear. I EARNED that part. I fought hard, endured much, suffered many ways and defeated the disease that tore my life to pieces. As I transition from active treatment to the rebuilding and recovery phase, I have to remember to not only rebuild my physical body but to also include the emotional part as well. I have to figure out how to put this behind me without forgetting what this disease has gifted me with. Because of this disease I had a very different high school experience than most (a much better one, in my opinion). I'd like to think I have a very unique perspective on life, a perspective that helps me know what is most important in life and above all I have learned what I CAN do when God is at the center of my life. This is me putting all my emotions from being sick to fighting for my life to remission into a tattoo that I can always look at and know I DID IT. I FOUGHT and I WON.This is me putting my life back together piece by piece.

Some say I will regret it in 50 years but even if it doesn't look exactly the same as it does right now the meaning and symbolism behind it will still mean just as much to me. I didn't get a tattoo because that's what all my friends did (quite the opposite). I didn't do it because it will be fun (definitely was not fun but very painful). I didn't do it because someone else told me to. I did it because I have something I want to remember and be reminded of for the rest of my life. I did it for me. I did it so I can heal from this horrid disease. I did it so I can remember the power God has to carry me through the darkest nights. I did it so I can remember the highest highs and the lowest lows and know that I am still standing here because of God and what he has done for me! 

Here is a picture!

You said WHATT???!!! Things never say to someone with Chronic Lyme Disease

            I first want to start off with saying do not feel bad if you have ever said any of the following statements to me pr anyone else at one point or another. I know everyone has good intentions but, for me, there are just some things I do not want to hear. So this blog is going to be about what NOT to say and what to say instead. All of these statements have been personally said to me and I would like to explain my Lyme point of view to you so that you may understand how your words can encourage me or discourage me. Again, I know you all have the best of intentions and I don’t hold anything against anyone. This blog is simply an explanation of different statements and why it is not a good idea to say them to anyone who has Lyme Disease or a chronic illness in general. The second part of this blog post will be pointed towards what to say instead and how to convey what you want to say in a way that will encourage a person who is suffering from Lyme Disease.

What to never say:

1.  “But you look so good!” Sounds harmless enough right? It is a compliment right? WRONG. Basically what you just said is, “You can’t be sick. You look perfectly fine and good even.” People who suffer from a life altering disease do not want to feel like all the fighting they do every minute of every day is to ultimately be rejected and stepped on because people on the outside do not see the pain in our eyes. If we turned our bodies inside out and you saw everything we went through just to get out of the house you’d never say such a thing. We may look good on the outside and, while it is nice to hear we look good, it’s also a bit of a discouraging thought knowing no one knows just how difficult our lives can be.

2.  “I wish I could take naps whenever I wanted.” This statement is (hopefully) pretty self-explanatory but unfortunately I can’t count how many times I’ve been told this by people my age and people much older than me. Yes, naps are great. I’m not going to deny that but naps are only amazing when you can have the choice of not taking a nap. Just like toddlers, they never want to take naps but they never have the choice either. They simply need their sleep. It's the same with Lymies. We need our sleep to recover. It is not our choice but our body's need. Most people have a choice to either take a nap or participate in something productive. If it were up to me, I’d choose to not nap and be productive. You may be jealous of me being able to take a nap whenever my heart desires but I am jealous of you because you have a body that is not exhausted 100% of the time. Which leads me into #3.

3.  “I get tired too.” Oh boy, where do I start on this one. Lyme Disease exhaustion is different from normal people tired. Lyme fatigue is beyond words. I remember days where getting out of bed and taking a shower were enough to put me back to bed for another 3 hours. Lyme fatigue is physically and mentally brutal. If we fight the fatigue and not rest when needed we tend to just make ourselves sicker and then it takes even longer to recover. I know when people say this they are just trying to make us feel understood and not alone but, trust me, unless you have Lyme it is hard to imagine this level of exhaustion. A better example of this fatigue would resemble the spoon theory.  The picture below explains the spoon theory. Basically, each activity of the day costs (x) number of spoons and you only have (Y) number of spoons allotted each day so once you run out of spoons then you borrow from the next day’s supply.

4.  “Have you tried taking____________?” Again, I know you are trying to help but whatever you are suggesting we have probably already tried. Thank you for thinking of me and what might help but please just let me and my doctor work out what is best for my body.

5.  “Are you better yet?” Thanks for hoping I feel better because I’m right there with you! I want to feel better just as much as you want me to or more but this is a very long process so no I am not better yet….thanks for reminding me though.

6.  “How are you feeling?” Prepare to be lied to. No one wants to hear “I feel horrible, thanks for asking.” I am going to plaster on a smile and say “I’m good” and quickly resort to, “How are you?” to change the subject. Stop making me lie to you and just stop asking. Trust me, I will tell the world when I feel great because I will be just as excited as you are! Otherwise ask anyone but me how I feel.

7.  “It’s all in your head.” If you say this always have good dental insurance and be ready to duck because my fist just might accidentally come into contact with your jaw. Sorry, irritability is not a symptom of Lyme it’s a symptom of being around stupid people. It is not all in my head. It’s all in my head, gut, muscles and anywhere else the spirochete can burrow into and destroy. My body is being destroyed from the inside out and you think I’m faking? Why the heck would I give up my life, my friends, and my dreams to fake a sickness that most doctors don’t even believe exists? If you say this to me just know how deeply five words can hurt. Thanks for believing me when I need you the most.

8.  “You just need to eat healthier and get more exercise.” That’s what got me here in the first place. I was a girl who ran cross country, rode horses, participated in Tae Kwon Do and held a very active lifestyle. I got a tick bite while trail running and two years later I was diagnosed with chronic late stage Lyme Disease. This little tick bite changed my life. I got the bite while having a healthy lifestyle. Thanks for the advice but no thanks that will not cure all my problems.

9.  “Feel better!” or “Get well soon.” I wish. I wish it was that simple. I wish it was like a stomach bug or something you can get over in a few days but it is not. Nothing about Lyme disease is simple. It’s long, laborious and downright hard to get through. When someone says this to me they are discounting all my hard work and all my fighting to simply “get well soon.” If that’s all I wanted I would go buy myself a stupid balloon that said that.

10.  “It could be worse” or “At least it’s not cancer” (deep breath 5…4…3…2…1…) you are right. It could be worse and at least it is not cancer. Cancer is horrible. Lyme disease is horrible. If you think about it there are many similarities between the two diseases. 1. Cancer treatment and Lyme treatment make the patient horribly sick. 2. Both can be fatal if not caught early enough. 3. Both destroy your body from the inside out. I am happy I do not have cancer and I’m glad I don’t have it worse than I do but I would still like you to acknowledge the pain I go through each day as well. I do not want attention but simply acknowledgment that you understand and you believe me.

What to say instead:

1. “I love you.” Simply hearing this statement makes my day just that much better! It makes my heart light up and gives me energy to fight.

2.  “I believe you.” Oh how I love this. I love to know you truly believe and know what I say is true. Believing in me and my abilities and what I tell you about my disease is an amazing feeling.

3.  “How can I help?” This one makes me smile. I will usually never let you help but it is nice to know I have someone standing by my side while I do it myself.

4. “I understand.” This one is a big deal for me. Understanding that I am doing everything I can to get better is huge. I need people to truly and wholeheartedly understand when I have to cancel plans. You have no idea how horrible I feel about having to cancel. For every time I have to cancel something, Lyme has won in that moment. That is absolutely unacceptable. Our plans were very important to me and I never want you to feel like I have blown you off. That is not what I want but unfortunately I cannot predict when I will have bad days. So if we had plans that I had to cancel please please understand I am just as disappointed/upset as you and I am really sorry.

5.  “I am proud of you.” This one is nice to hear as well. Sometimes I get upset with things that I had to give up because of Lyme. For example, school. Most of my friends went off to college somewhere and are having a great time. I’m working my butt off to get through 3 classes this semester. I don’t have any outstanding accomplishments at this point in my life. I don’t play sports or participate in any extracurricular activities, no scholarships or awards either. To hear that someone is proud of me despite my limitations is amazing. If you asked little Kelsey what I thought my life would be like now I would say “off to college somewhere and doing something with my life.” Instead, I am sitting here in my living room writing a blog about my life as a Lyme disease patient. It's not what I expected but this is God’s plan for me. Hearing someone is proud of me is just affirmation that I am doing exacting what I need to be doing right now - following God’s plan.

6. “Thinking of you.” Whether it be a text or a tap on the shoulder I feel the love when this is said. I don’t care what the thoughts were. I don’t even care if you were plotting my murder I just feel special to know I am important enough to be a part of your thoughts in that moment.

7.  “I’m here for you.” This is a good one for when you have no idea what to say. It’s perfect for every situation! This statement is like all the other statements all wrapped up into one. I know you believe me, I know you love me and want to help me and I know you understand what I’m going through. Thank you for being here for me it is a huge encouragement to know I have people on my side fighting for me and with me.

In the end, please be aware of what you say and how it can be interpreted through a Lyme point of view. 

Positively Positive

    Everyone has their good and bad days. Some days we are so productive and we get to check everything off our to do lists and then there are other days where there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. Busy and stressing over everything seems to almost be a normal occurrence for some. It doesn't have to be that way. Slow down and enjoy the moment you are in right now because you will never have the same moment again. If you are stressed out over work or school just sit down give it to God and resume your day with a more positive outlook.

    Most people downplay the power of a positive attitude. The outlook you have on something can change everything. It can make it more fun or it could send you into a downward spiral of negativity that can ruin your day. It's up to you which one you pick.
    For the most part, I tend to be a very optimistic person but we all have our days or moments of getting caught up in the wrong thought process. One option is that I could dwell on the struggles of my life or I could use them as stepping stones to become closer to God. Instead of being upset that I wake up in pain or have nightmares when the pain is bad I pray and ask that God be the one to help me see the purpose of this in my life. I ask that He give me the strength to endure it with a smile and a joyful heart. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." Give thanks in ALL circumstances, not just when things are good and you are happy but when you are struggling and things don't seem to be going in the direction you want. You may not understand His plan for you right now but that is okay! Whatever it is you know it will be amazing! I can honestly say I would never change or take back what I have gone through if I could. I am happy with my life. Yes, I have setbacks. Yes, I still have lyme disease. Yes, I work my butt off everyday to get things done. And Yes, I couldn't be prouder of where God has lead my life in the last 5 years. A positive attitude can not only change your day but it can change the whole outlook for your entire life. Some people look at me and I get those dumb pity looks because they feel bad for me and I never understand that. What is there to feel bad about? I am not missing out on anything nor am I unhappy! I am a child of God! What is there to not be happy about! When someone gives me a pity look all they are seeing is the struggle and pain but with a positive outlook your eyes are opened to the happiness, endurance, and God's power in my life. That is what I want people to see because that is what I see. If you change your attitude you change how you see everything. You see potential in the drug addict. You see a fighter in the single mom. You see an opportunity to love a child when visiting an orphanage or NICU. You see God's healing power in the pain. You see a great life in everyone's future with God.
    God is the secret to a positive attitude. When you are feeling overwhelmed with life's demands God calls us to cast our burdens onto him. Psalms 55:22 states, "Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you..." You are not meant to carry the burdens of life on your own two shoulders! Philippians 4:6 urges, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer let your requests be known to God." God has meant for you to bring your struggles to him so you may live a joyful life. We are meant to cast our burdens onto Jesus because He cares for you. (Clap, Clap, Clap) So if you have given it all up to God what is left? Relief? Happiness? A better attitude maybe? For me, It gives me a sense of relief knowing that God has my back no matter what! If I fall, if I make a mistake, if something upsets me or if I just don't understand something I know God will always be there to take my sins, my pain, my struggles and make them into something beautiful. That is what makes my heart happy and joyful. No matter what happens God is the light at the end of the tunnel and each struggle is just a stepping stone closer to God. That is what makes me smile and that is what makes me happy! That is what gives me a positive attitude.
    

courage with a lowercase "c"

    Happy New year everyone! It's a brand new year for so many exciting things to take place! Today I want to talk about what it means when courage has a lowercase 'c'. When most people think of Courage they think of superheros or people that have accomplished great things in their life. When I think of Courage I think of people who have climbed mt. Everest or people who have stood up for what they believe in and they've done it in a huge way. I see Courage as a lion that roars but have you ever thought that maybe courage could also be a struggling person taking it one day at a time. courage with a lowercase 'c' can be the voice in your head saying, 'just try one more time'. It's the voice saying, 'I know your afraid but I am here with you and you can do this'. Being courageous isn't always what people think it is. There is always two sides to everything and you must look at both sides to really understand. Everyone is courageous but everyone is courageous in their own way. For some people it could look like a lion roaring. It could be something that made a huge difference in their community, school, neighborhood, or even nation wide but for others courage can look like going to work or school even though it would just be easier to stay home or it could be standing up in front of 20 people to teach them about something important.
    The dictionary definition for courage is the ability to do something that frightens them. Then it lists some synonyms and most of them I agree with but one I do not is fearlessness. In my opinion, you do not have to be fearless to be courageous but you are courageous despite fear. It is always okay to be afraid but it is what you do with that fear that matters. You can't let that fear overrun your faith. Your faith must always be stronger than your fear. I could be afraid that I won't be able to start nursing school next fall but I'm not because I know, as Noah so graciously pointed out to me, God's got my back so no matter what everything will be okay. It doesn't matter if I start nursing school next fall or in 3 years because I know God's timing is always the best timing. If I let my fear of setbacks overcome my faith in God's plan it'll do more harm than good.
    courage with a lowercase 'c' says even if I mess up today there will always be tomorrow to do better and be better. It doesn't have to be big or bold or even noticeable to others. courage with a lower case 'c' says to believe in yourself, know that you can do it, give 100%, love and trust God, persevere through all obstacles, take one day at a time, one hour at a time or even one minute at a time. Do whatever it takes to make it through and God promises it will be worth it. Put your heart and soul into God and his strength will pull you through. When big things are weighing you down look at the little things and try to enjoy the journey even if it is bumpy along the way.
    I'm not saying I have an insane amount of courage or anything because I don't but I think I do have a unique perspective on life that Lyme disease has so graciously given me. Always being in pain and feeling bad most days for the last 4 years really taught me what is really important in life and what matters most. In some ways I'm grateful that Lyme has come into my life. It has taught me so many things especially to trust God despite fear. A huge amount of fear can accumulate when you are chronically ill. Just the word 'Chronic' can destroy someone's hope for a normal life. Fear is around every corner so to be able to look beyond the fear is a great accomplishment. It took me a long time to learn that but now that I have I am so much happier. I still have fear but my faith is stronger. courage with a lower case 'c' is subtle and hard to spot but its there and it doesn't matter if its a different kind of courage it is still courage nonetheless.
 


  To end this blog I just wanted to give everyone a little update. This past couple weeks or so has been pretty rough due to trying to switch from IV antibiotics to oral antibiotics. The new oral antibiotic is very strong and has many side effects and if its listed as a side effect, I have it. (We stopped that antibiotic and I do not plan on taking it again) My appetite has been pretty much zero and eating anything makes me feel pretty awful afterwards. Thinking and pain also hasn't been great but its tolerable. December 29th we saw a new Lyme doctor in Houston and she was fantastic! She explained everything so well. She was so cheerful and really listened to what we had to say. She ordered some blood work and will call us when the results come in. Depending on what the results show, my medication will be changed around a bit and hopefully we will begin IVIG infusions once a month to help my immune system recover and do its job better. She also said that she doesn't like to use the word "cure" but she hopes for "remission with very low probability of relapse" after 3 to 6 years of treatment! That's the best prognosis I've ever heard! I know I can fight this horrible disease for 3 to 6 years if that means I could be symptom free for numerous years or even a few decades! This new doctor has revived my hope that there is an end to all this and that there will be remission once again!

Love is...

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). This is one of my favorite verses. In my generation the word "love" is largely overused. We say we love this and love that but do we really know what "love" really is? I wanted to know the true meaning of what love really and truly is. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 may not seem like a lot to work with but if you think of the meanings of each phrase that is used then there is a wealth of information at your fingertips.
    Love is patient. The dictionary says that patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset. In my opinion, that is a very difficult concept. I am not nor have I ever been a very patient person. Which in a sick kind of way makes me laugh at the fact that I have Lyme disease. Having Lyme disease is all about being patient. It makes me work on everything I am having difficulty with. Patience is a big one. I must trust that God knows what he is doing and I must wait until his plans unfold. I have to tolerate delays with doctors and suffer through treatment not knowing when my next good day will be. Thankfully, I am through the worst of it. But I must try to do this without getting upset or angry because love is patient. God is love and love is patient. Therefore to be more like Jesus I also must be patient.
    Love is kind. Kindness can be anything from a small gesture or a smile to brighten someone's day or it can be something much more. Kindness is being generous, considerate, and friendly with a genuine heart. Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving to one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Luke 6:35 adds, "But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil." So it's not only important to be kind and compassionate towards people who are nice to you, it is also just as important to be kind to the people who are unkind and harsh towards you. You never know what a person is going through so a smile their way or a hello as you pass by might just change their entire day.
    Love does not envy. Proverbs 14:30 says, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." We must be content with what we have and know that God has given us everything we need to succeed with the plan he has for us.
    Love does not boast, it is not proud. Proverbs 11:2 says, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom." Proverbs 27:2 adds, "Let another praise you, and not your own mouth, a stranger and not your own lips." When we accomplish things, we are proud of what we have done so naturally we are excited about it and want to tell people. For me, I think there is a line between telling someone what you have accomplished and boasting about it. God says instead of praising yourself for all that you have done let the praise come from others. You can talk all you want about how awesome you are but the real praise and honor is when it comes from others and God. We must keep our pride in check. Proverbs 29:23 explains, "One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor." It's just a reminder to all of us that we need to strive to be humble.
    Love does not dishonor others. We are told to honor our father and mother in Ephesians 6:1. That means that we should obey and respect them. Colossians 3:20 states, "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." So not only will you have happy parents but in doing this you please the Lord! I went through a period of time where I always thought I was WAY smarter than my parents and that they had no idea what they were talking about but I learned. I learned that opening up to my parents and really listening to what they had to say was the best decision I had made in a long time. Everything got better. I made much better life decisions by talking to them about it first. I surrounded myself with better friends and influences around me. I learned what real unconditional love felt like and that was it. I was sold. Honoring my father and mother pleased the Lord and in return made me a better and happier person. But this part of the verse is not just talking about your parents, It is referring to everyone including your coworkers, your friends, the people who are just down right mean to you, your family, and the people that are driving slow in front of you on the highway. There is no limit to God's love so why are we limiting ours? We must take heed to God's warning and honor others with love.
    Love is not self-seeking. Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others." Love is not selfish. Love is looking around and seeing someone in need and being generous. It is taking a step back and not looking at what you might want but looking at others to know what they need. We get so caught up in our own lives that we don't even see what is going on around us. There is a song by Brandon Heath called "Give Me Your Eyes" and it talks about a man asking God for His eyes so that he could see everything from God's point of view. God sees the needy. God sees the hurt. God sees everyone's situations and sins and still loves us with an unfathomable depth. God knows our hearts. He knows if we do things with a selfish heart. He knows our intentions. God's love is self-less and ours should be too.

 
    Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Proverbs 14:29 warns, "Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly." There are always going to be things that frustrate us and anger us but it is what we do with the anger that matters. When I start to get angry or frustrated I pray. I do not pray that he take away what is angering me though, I pray that He helps me understand why I am angry so that the situation can be resolved calmly. People mess up and we all make mistakes so with that in mind we must be understanding and forgiving just like you would want others to be towards you. Proverbs 15:1 adds, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a hard word stirs up anger." Arguments or disagreements don't have to be yelling and screaming at each other. Arguments and disagreements can be handled calmly. We just have to be understanding, slow to anger, and keep no record of wrongs. Pray for a resolution to your anger. Pray for peace within you so that you may speak with a soft answer. Love forgives and forgets. It does not keep a record of all the sins you have committed. Matthew 6:14-15 states, "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." We must forgive as we have been forgiven. How are we supposed to love like God loves if we are not willing to forgive others like God forgave us? You forgive, let it go and move on. I know that is easier said than done and I don't expect it to happen overnight but it needs to be done. Forgive like you have been forgiven.
    Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. John 8:32 reads, "And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Love detests evil but rejoices in truth. Find joy in the truth and shy away from evil things. Evil tempts and tries to lure you in but resist and search for the truth! Let the truth of everything set you free from the lies and hatred and shame. John 14:6 declared, "...I am the way, the truth, and the life..." God is the truth so we must follow in His ways so we can live the life He wants us to live. Do everything in Him. Look for His doings in every aspect of your life and in others lives. Jesus can set you free from the chains and the hurt that is holding you back. Rejoice in the truth that God is love and God loves YOU.
    Love always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. Protecting, covering sins, looking out for one another, its all the same. When you love someone you want to protect them. You overlook their mistakes and failures and just love them without end. Protecting is supporting and being understanding and caring for people you know really well and for the people you don't know very well. Trusting is giving the benefit of the doubt and having positive faith in people. Love always protects and trusts, always. God believed in us so much so that he sent his only son to die on the cross for us!  Love that strong blows my mind. Its so incomprehensible that someone could love me that much. I want that kind of love. Love hopes and perseveres. Love hopes for the best in every situation. It never gives up hope! I hope for remission from Lyme disease. It is possible and there will always be hope. There's a saying that says there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and that rings true in so many ways. God is my light and he is waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. It may be dark now but every step I take forward is one step closer to God. That gives me hope and that gets me excited! Lastly, Love always perseveres. It endures through everything. It never gives up or throws in the towel. It works through difficult times. Love never ceases. Love never fails. Its perseverance is endless. God's love perseveres through everything we've done, through all our mistakes and failures and He still loves us no matter what we do. We cannot to anything to make him love us less. That's the love that I want to have.
    God's love is the best love and I want to love others as He has loved me. I am not perfect nor will I ever be but doing everything I possibly can to imitate a perfect God seems like a good starting point. God never says anything is going to be easy but he does say it it possible and it will be worth it! 1 John 4:16 states, "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them." Love is what matters the most. Without love we are nothing. Love has been misused for far too long. Love is so much more than the casual way we use it now. Its powerful. It can change someone life forever. I want to start taking love more seriously. It isn't just something we should throw around and act as if it's nothing because it's not. My favorite song in the entire world is a song about real, true love. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do. It's called "Love Never Fails" by Brandon Heath.

 

Progress is Progress

It is October. OCTOBER. How in the world is it October already? These past few months have gone by so fast and so incredibly slow at the same time! I guess I should start off where I left off in the last update. Shortly after my last post my dad and I made an amazing trip to Florida. We spent a lot of our time at the beach (As most know that is my favorite place in the whole world to be). To make it even better we went skydiving together as well! Saying it was "fun" is such an understatement! Skydiving is one thing that I will do several times throughout my life. It was so much more than I could have ever imagined! Seeing Key West and all its beauty from 10,000 feet was incredible. Once the parachute had been pulled we made our way slowly to the ground (but still 3,000 ft up) the instructor I was attached to asked me if I had ever touched a cloud before. Of course my answer was no but seeing as there were all these white puffy clouds around us like you see on the most beautiful days he could hear the anticipation in my voice. With one tug on the parachute we were headed straight to the edge of a cloud which I then proceeded to reach out and grab the puffiness out of the sky. To my surprise and amusement it was kind of gross. It does not feel as it looks. It was amazing to be able to "touch" the cloud but in reality I just felt like I had stuck my hand in a swimming pool in the middle of the sky. Either way I was a very very very happy girl that week not even to mention how much I loved that it was just my dad and I on a trip together.

Once we got back from Florida, life returned to its normal activities that included work and doctors appointments. Work was steadily getting harder and harder. Half of it was because of my health and the other half was because the ages of the kids at work. The new baby that had just been a newborn a few short months ago was now nine months old and crawling up a storm with a territorial 2 year old who didn't like his baby brother's new skill. Despite new challenges I stilled loved my job!

A couple weeks later Church Kamp came around and I was so happy and so sad at the same time. This year was my last year but its Kamp! You can't possibly go to Kamp and NOT have fun. Kamp is so full of activities they actually give teenagers a nap time! I love Kamp and I will miss it but I have memories that will last a life time.

After Kamp everything slowed down and we started to get back into the routine of things when another big decision was thrown at us. Lyme disease was starting to get the upper hand and my oral antibiotics were no longer doing the trick. I was NOT going to let that happen for long! So our next option was to choose between another treatment altogether or go to the next step with antibiotics which mean IVs. It was a very hard choice. I felt like everything was trial and error and we didn't really know what we needed to do. I just wanted someone to tell me how to fix it and I would do it, but unfortunately that is not how it works with Lyme. In the end, we decided that antibiotics had worked before to get me into remission so we would keep trying the antibiotics and just upgrade to IV antibiotics. Which leads me to where I am today.

On August 8th I had a power port put in. Let me tell you, its a weird thingymajiger. You can see it and feel it and its just weird. My nurse side of me thinks its pretty cool though lol. I have been on IV antibiotics for two full months and so far it is working. The pain has increased dramatically the past two weeks due to herxing BUT I HAVE MY BRAIN BACK! I can write and read and pass tests! Its progress and its amazing! I even passed a Psychology CLEP test last week! So I am pretty excited about that part of the progress. The other part not so much. Last week I hit my pain limit and to our surprise we found the PERFECT pain management doctor in Dallas. It was a total God thing. A pain doctor that knows Lyme Disease! Now that is crazy amazing! My hesitation to going to a pain doctor before was the fact that most doctors don't believe in "Chronic" Lyme disease and therefore don't believe I could possible be in as much pain as I say i'm in. So to find a doctor that I know won't blow me off as a pain killer addict is such a huge relief to me! I see this new doctor on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday next week and we are starting a new kind of infusion that is supposed to lower my pain level for an extended amount of time. The fact that I may be almost pain free or have a significantly lowered pain level in a week or less makes me so hugely excited. I can't even put the extent of my excitement into words!

All in all, progress is progress and I will be happy with what I am given. Even if the infusions next week don't work there is still hope for the future. Compared to what Jesus suffered on this earth I am very happy with what I have. My pain is little compared to what he suffered for me. I can deal with whatever life throws at me as long as I have He who gives me strength. My battle has been won and I have won because God is with me and his love never fails. My battle was conquered the day Jesus died for me. I trust God's plan for me. I may not always know what that plan is but none the less his plan is ALWAYS better than anything I could have planned for myself. I am the daughter of a KING who is not moved by this world for MY GOD IS WITH ME and goes before me. I DO NOT FEAR because I AM HIS.  I have nothing to fear when the God of angel armies is on my side.




And thank you Noah for "patiently" waiting since May 28th for this post lol you are totes awesome lol *insert laughing emoji here* I will try to update it more often in the future!

Crazy Love Challenge

​I know I’ve been pretty bad lately about updating this blog but I’m still sitting here trying to gather all my thoughts and somehow put it into a sentence. The fact that I have made it this far into a paragraph is progress though! Well, I just lost my train of thought… so now I’ll start on my next subject.

​In the past couple months an astounding amount has happened! At the beginning of April my dad and I participated in the Capitol 10K! WHOO! We did it in a record breaking time of 1 hour and 21 minutes! I was pretty proud of us considering I had slacked off of training quite a bit. I had plenty of excitement running through me the entire time and because of all the hustle and bustle and old ladies passing me, my Mother’s competitive spirit took over. If little old ladies in tutus could speed walk at a pace that was faster than my jog then I needed to get a hold of myself and pick up the pace. I was a 17 year old girl! I should be able to keep up with people that were 50 years older than me! No pain No gain. At least that’s what I was thinking at the time. The race was more than I ever expected it to be. My Dad and I had made an agreement that morning as we looked over the path we were to be running and we agreed that we would walk up hill, walk flats, and jog the downhills. That seemed very reasonable and seemed like the easiest tactic. Little did we know, we were very wrong. In the end, we jogged up hills to save our calf muscles from burning too much, we ran downhill because we liked the thought of gravity doing all the work after running all the way to the top, and we walked the flat areas because we were so exhausted after running both up hill and down. Once we finished, we did what all great, healthy runners do, we celebrated at IHOP. We worked hard for a whole 81 minutes so that we could enjoy the unhealthiest of all omelets and it is at that IHOP that we started planning for next year’s Capitol 10K. That’s right! We are going back for more! (Running and IHOP) I can’t believe that was almost two months ago already!

​Another thing that has happened in the last couple months is my birthday! I am officially 18 years young! My birthday was filled with lots of love and laughter and for that I am extremely grateful for. I could not have asked for a better day than to be with the people I love. I am also happy to announce that due to my recent birthday I am now able to go skydiving! June 10, 2014 I will be jumping out of a perfectly good plane from over 2 miles in the sky and to top it off my Dad and I will be doing it together in Key West, Florida! I have an amazing Dad! He is the best!

​So I have covered the Capitol 10K and my birthday so now I move on to my plans from here on out. I know whenI originally started this blog, I designated it for fitness and my journey to a healthier lifestyle and for the most part that will still be true but I will be leaning less on the fitness and more on the lifestyle parts. The lifestyle parts are going to change a little too. I want to focus more on my journey to a better relationship with the people around me as well as with God. I find that the worse I feel the closer I want to be with God but then when I feel better I also want to praise him for giving me a better day. I feel like the second time around with Lyme disease has given me a wakeup call and that is something I would like to be able to share with people. I also feel that if I have a better relationship with God my life is healthier even if it’s not physically. So I would like to use this blog as a way to share how I feel about God and how wonderful and perfect He is. I would like to use it as a tool to share my story and maybe, just maybe I will be able to make a tiny difference in someone’s life. I want to be able to stand before God and be able to say I did everything I could to make his holiness known. I want everyone to know that even though your life may not be perfect and there will be struggles that God does not forsake you. He is there 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Struggles of this life are little compared to what he has promised for us in Heaven. I truly believe that and I want everyone else to know that too. There is a God who loves you and who is longing to be close to you every minute of every day. His love is never ending and unconditional. There is absolutely nothing you can do to make him love you less. So I want to use this blog as a window into my life and my struggles so that I can glorify God through my journey from a sin doin’ material lovin’ self seekin’ person of the world to a Jesus lovin’, school jugglin’, Lyme fightin’ bible studyin’ person of faith. I want to share my faith with others so that they may have a complete life full of limitless faith and boundless love for the one who is our creator. Lyme disease has been a huge faith builder for me and I would never wish it onto someone else but sometimes people need that kick in the butt to finally take God seriously and not push him off until Sunday morning worship and then leave him at church until the next time he is convenient.

​So for June’s challenge I would like to invite everyone to read the book “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan. I’m not going to tell you anything other than it is about God’s crazy love for us. Read it and seriously think about what is written. That is your challenge for this coming month and if you choose to rise to the challenge I would love to know what you think about it!